the Delicate t Bone

courtneytrouble:

i know i do a whole lot of showing here, and not a whole lot of telling, but i seriously have seen enough transmisogyny. it’s disgusting. i sort of expect it from heterosexual cisgendered folks (call me jaded) but when i see or hear lesbian, gay, bisexual, and queer people misgender, disrespect, or abuse trans women it literally makes me want to throw up. this is a long run on sentence but it must be said, i know i was raised a certain way (in a unitarian universalist, mixed religion, mixed race, gender role “non-normative” and queer family) and i live in a bubble (the bay area) and blah blah blah, trans positive space is largely all around me, and i am privileged enough to be able and willing to continue my own education on trans issues, check my privilege as a white american AFAB person, but i am ashamed that those of you outside and inside of this bubble and from different background and similar backgrounds haven’t even tried to educate yourselves on trans issues while going about your seemingly “queer” and/or “feminists” lives, merely ignoring the T in GLBT - how dare you don’t fight to protect this population of women who are being beaten, killed, and forced into solitude because not even their queer sisters will join them in the fight for equality. some of the shit i have heard come out of gay people’s mouths about trans people makes me want to scream. you’ve got to be kidding me. although i have never identified as a lesbian (for many reasons) i am ashamed to have even been in the same room as those of you who refuse to treat trans women as women. don’t come to my parties. don’t apply to my website. don’t comment on my shit. please, just dissapear so that my trans dyke friends can go on with their lives. i am sick of seeing the more complicated nuances of trans politics get bolted down because people can’t even grasp the very fucking basics of transsexual identity. fuck you factcheckme thanks for inspiring me to speak up after being afraid to write about this for years. 

i stand for the equality of all women, including trans women, and you should too. 

ps seriously? cisgender activates spell check?!?! 

prettyqueer:

Sometimes I wonder whether trans men writing about transmisogyny and trans-man-douchebaggery and how much is sucks is the new spoken word poetry.  Every time I’ve written anything about how trans dude culture can get pretty gross in the way it appropriates the experiences and oppression of trans women, I have gotten tons of great feedback and had so many people tell me I was so smart and sensitive.  I don’t know, I’d love to think that is all true because being smart and sensitive are both things that are important to me in life but at the same time, I have to acknowledge that every time I’ve written something like that, someone has pointed out that I hadn’t written anything that any trans woman had not been saying (and having quickly ignored or dismissed by queer and so-called-trans communities) over and over again for years.  But that suddenly, when it comes from a trans man, someone gives him (me) a fucking medal and he gets hella laid for it.  (For the record, I live in Detroit where no one gets laid for anything, but I’m sure it’s contributed to my getting laid a fair amount of times over the years nevertheless.)

So I want to set the record straight a little.  My contempt for trans-man-douchebaggery and the whole culture that supports it is a sincere and driving force and among the most precious values in my life.  It’s something I think about a lot and it’s something that influences my judgement of character when it comes to friends, lovers and heroes more than most factors.  But it’s definitely not something I just came up with on my own!  It’s something I’ve learned from the badass trans women who have been my mentors, peers, lovers, role models, crushes and best friends throughout my entire adult life and I’m actually pretty sure that without them, I would have ended up just another *aydyn doing bad spoken word poetry at the Trans Day of Remembrance and aspiring to be on the cover of Original Plumbing.

I started transitioning 8 years ago, back when trans dude culture was still feeling pretty antsy about an overall sense of invisibility within larger culture.  That was way before Chaz Bono and before Daniela Sea played a trans man on The L Word (ugh)—back when people would have thought that the idea of having a trans man on The L Word was this totally radical thing and just eat it up.  Trans dudes felt invisible, but also felt oppressed in this way that was kinda hard to define because the people who oppressed us didn’t really even know what a trans man was and usually lumped us in with fags or dykes when choosing insults.  Trans guys wanted to be visible, so they started writing embarrassingly personal essays and presenting them as scholarly articles and publicly presenting trans women’s (usually trans women of color sex workers’) stories as trans people’s stories in kind of exploitative performances they called spoken word poetry.  I think it came from this need to feel visible as a distinct oppressed group by the larger queer community, and to that end, it totally worked.  Every time a trans man opened his mouth or picked up his pen, he was praised as being brave and revolutionary and it became this thing that everyone wanted to fuck a trans guy (any trans guy!)  Within a few years, trans guys were not invisible and as far as the currency of getting laid in queer communities goes, we had a ton of privilege.  But we basically didn’t stop doing those obnoxious things we did a few years earlier in a desperate need to be noticed and for the most part, queer communities have never really stopped eating it up.

When I first came out as trans, I realized pretty early on the danger of becoming a misogynistic douchebag, but I also longed for the company of any other trans person.  Shortly after beginning transition, I went to Camp Trans and was excited to be around a lot of other trans people irl for one of the first times in my life.  I quickly found my awkward early stage in transition and being fat made the trans bro elite reluctant to accept me, but my resolve to learn to resist being a douchebag (even when I wasn’t that great at recognizing what that meant) put me completely on the outside of being part of the cliquey group of trans men that dominated Camp Trans at that point.  Instead, I found what we used to call Camp Awkward—back before awkward was the new sexy—and a few smart badass trans women and other CAMAB trans people and that was the first time I really found somewhere I wanted to belong.

Over the years, that small group of friends who initially saw something in me that they liked and wanted around when no one else would grew into a much larger group of mostly trans women who challenged me and were patient with me and would go to trans events with me and sit in a corner complaining about all the douchey trans men everywhere.  Back when I still thought it was okay to “reclaim” the word “tranny” as a trans man, it was one of these women who was patient enough to have it out with me about it until I figured out that I probably shouldn’t say it anymore and should probably join her in lovingly but firmly challenging other trans guys’ use of the term.  It was a few of these women who called bullshit and lovingly supported me when a group of trans guys at Camp Trans totally humiliated a close friend and I when they told us we “weren’t on the list” for this trans guy only make-out party they had just invited us to (not sure why we wanted to go to that party in the first place, but live and learn).  I’m not sure why they decided I was the trans guy they kinda liked, but these badass women were (and still are) the people I loved and respected and wanted to be and wanted to know and they were the friends and lovers and biggest crushes and heroes who made me into the person I am.

I have never had trouble taking a stand against transmisogyny and other trans-man-douchebaggery, but maybe that’s because my general trans misandry runs pretty deep and it’s been a long time since I had any stake in what most trans bros thought of me.  At this point, I’ve found that if I ever venture into trans man only space (something I generally avoid), I can yell as loudly as I’d like against transmisogyny and no one will listen because I am quickly labelled as an outsider, but the second anyone is watching, the trans bros will start eating up whatever I say in a way that they would not if it were coming from anyone other than another trans man.  There is some sort of social pressure to oppose transmisogyny that kicks in as soon as the larger queer community is watching and suddenly my voice is seen as really important in those spaces, even though I’m not saying anything differently than what my trans women friends and heroes have been saying for years and what I’ve tried to say privately in trans man only space for years.

Recently, I’ve started to notice a few other trans guys getting attention for writing or speaking about transmisogyny amongst trans guys and general trans-man-douchebaggery and being treated like we are saying something completely new and revolutionary when we say it.  I just think it’s important to talk about the fact that we are not.  I think it’s amazing that this stuff has seemed like it’s getting more attention lately because it’s so important to talk about.  I’m also really happy that, if I’m going to use my privilege as a trans man for something, getting people to talk about transmisogyny and trans-man-douchebaggery is the thing that I can use it for.  But it’s still indicative of a huge problem in our community when folx will listen to this stuff coming from a white, college educated, twenty-something trans man ally to trans women, but it is still largely dismissed when it comes from the trans women who experience transmisogyny every day in a way that I never will, and when the community does stop for a second to pay attention to trans women saying this stuff, it is generally those trans women who share similar race, class, age and other privileges as me.

This is why I sometimes wonder whether writing about trans misogyny and trans-man-douchebaggery is the new spoken word poetry amongst trans guys and whether those of us who do it are the new *aydyns.  That’s never been the reason I’ve written stuff like this, but I feel like I often get a similar reception as early 2000’s trans guys doing spoken word.  I don’t think I could ever stop talking about this stuff because it will never stop being important to me and feeling like the right thing to do as long as queer communities are ripe with transmisogyny that they will only think this stuff is important if it comes from a trans man.  But I still think that’s messed up and important to point out.

So I want to use my privilege as a trans man right now to encourage people reading this to listen to trans women when they say all this important stuff that you all eat right up when it comes from a trans guy.  I want to encourage queer folx to search ourselves and examine why we do this.  I want to encourage our queer communities to create space for dialogue about whose voices we privilege or exclude and how we can change this.  And if you don’t think you do this, humour me and search yourself a little anyway because you have probably done this at some point—if not to trans women, then to someone else in your community.  And to my fellow trans man proponents of “the new spoken word”,  my fellow “new *aydyns,” don’t forget to give credit to the badass trans women you learned it all from—cause I know you didn’t just think all this up on your own!

Original Article

Powerful stuff here y’all.

A snippet from a conversation on google about the conversation surrounding reclaiming the word “tranny”

When it comes down to it, words that have been “reclaimed” feel better to hear when they’re coming out of the mouths of those who have reclaimed them. I’m not trans, so calling myself or anyone else “tranny” doesn’t feel good for me. However, calling myself dyke or fag or fat, etc  feels totally fine because those are identity terms that work for me (and terms that have been used to other me, hence the reclaiming in those cases).

I do get the criticism and complicated politics of reclaiming words. However, identity politics have been one thing that othered communities have had to empower ourselves. But that doesn’t come without a lot of self-observation, outside criticism and growth (personally and as a community).

itisrighttorebel:

The T Word and 5 Other Things You Should Not Say to Trans Women | The L Stop

It is unheard of in the life of a trans woman to never experience misgendering, judgment, cissexism¹, or transphobia in their lifetime. It just happens.

In order to understand everything in a transgender perspective, there are certain basics that people have to get through. Creating this list is one of them. And holy moley, there’s so many lists of this and that, and yeah it gets tiring, but for my purposes, and my writing, these are essential to understand. Not only was this list therapeutic for me, but also constructive to think of how trans women are not victims, but survivors.

1. Transgendered

Oh sweet Mary, this is one of my biggest pet peeves. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve not only seen this in cisgender² people’s vocabulary, but also in some important transgender-written pieces.

Ok, so what’s the big fuss with adding an –ed at the end? Well, if you look at the history of its usage, it becomes a linguistic nightmare.

Take the case of the now common term, “people of color.” Once upon a time anyone who was not white, particularly African Americans in the U.S., were called “colored.” In this day and age, in our society, people frown at this and correctly label it as racist. Why? Well, because it was a derogatory word for someone who was non-white. Its weight comes from its usage as a passive verb. That this defect, in this case “coloration,” happened to someone and there’s nothing they can do about it.

Simply put, transgender is not a passive verb. It is not something that has happened to someone—they have always been transgender. Transgender, or simply “trans,” is usually used as an adjective to that person’s real gender. In my case, I say I’m a trans woman because I want others to know that I was coercively assigned “male” at birth. That’s what the doctor said when I came out, and that’s how I was raised for a big chunk of my life. Now I am open to others that I am transgender and a woman: “trans woman.”

Also, notice the space between them—trans is the adjective, woman is the noun. So none of this transwoman or transman business for me. I am a woman who happens to be trans.

“Transgendered” seeks to belittle one’s trans status by obscuring it. It makes someone think that this is something that happened to them, or maybe that it was them, and always be them, rather than placing it as an affirmative “transgender person.”

2. “Have you had the surgery?”

I cannot tell you how many strangers ask me this after I come out to them. I’ve got it at bars with a “liberal” crowd, dive bars, and bars where there’s a lesbian majority. Yep. It’s all over.

This question is so intrusive. The first time I was asked it I immediately said “no, but I may in the future.” Later, I felt horrible. I just exposed what’s in my pants to someone I don’t know because I felt like I needed to validate my existence.

This question aims to dehumanize trans people, and in my opinion, it almost always falls on trans women rather than trans men. There are a couple reasons for this that I’ll try to paraphrase here.

No one else needs to claim what’s in their pants except for transgender folk. Everyone assumes other people’s gender in a blink of an eye. If something challenges that assumption, we have to know what their parts are. Our society is obsessed with gender roles and conformity to it—even down to your nether regions. But particularly we’re obsessed with the effeminization³ of male-assigned people.

And, of course, there’s the oft-used assumption that in order to be a “real” transgender that you must get “the surgery.” That’s just not true. I know many, many trans people who either can’t afford it or simply don’t want it. As trans folk, many of us know that the sum of our parts do not reside in our pants. We are not defined by our genitals, and neither should anyone else be.

3. “I couldn’t tell you were transgender!”

Hearing this is so awkward.

Ok. I know this is one of those sticky issues, but “looking” transgender to most people is not a compliment. We live in a society where we’re bred with bizarre (and boring!) standards of beauty. The more feminine a woman looks, the better—same goes for men’s masculine features. Ew!

My transfemininity is beautiful. And if you don’t think I look transgender, so what? Unlike the misled assumption that all trans women want to conform to femininity as much as possible, I don’t I aspire to be a flawless cisgender woman at all.

Now inside the transgender community, it’s different. It can come from a place of internal transphobia, where someone will compliment you by saying that you “pass” as a cisgender woman, and thereby degrade “looking” transgender.

Or it can come from a place of, let’s say, “a queer superiority complex” where if you do not show enough physical traits of transgenderism (jaw line, facial hair shadow, chest, etc.) that you are committing the crime of assimilating to cisgender norms of beauty. These are both wrong.

Final word on this: even if you think it, just don’t say it out loud. It’s not a compliment, because all trans people are beautiful.

4. “What’s it like?”

This is another one of those intrusive questions. How does one even begin to describe what it’s like to be trans? It’s full of complexities. That’s all.

Also, treating trans people as your encyclopedia is not nice. Somehow, it’s way more acceptable to ask a trans person what “it’s like” than, say, a cisgender Latina woman what it’s like being in their shoes.

5. “You’re so brave. Good luck!”

This is pretty condescending. I didn’t choose to be brave, this is just how I am and how I live my life. I don’t need your good luck. I’ve got all the strength that I’ve built up from going through this and am a fully capable person.

6. Tranny / Chicks with Dicks / She-male / He-she

Ok. There’s like of debate inside the transgender community, but I and many other trans women firmly believe that if you are not a transfeminine person, do not say tranny. Ever.

One time someone plainly asked, like it was completely normal, “what kind of tranny are you?” I was kind of stunned. Since it was just after a question about if I had “the surgery,” I sighed and explained that I enjoyed being soft butch and was in a loving relationship with another woman.

Saying the “t word” is similar to saying the “n word” to an African American. This is not comparing oppressions point-blank. These words have very different oppressive histories. But they are similar in the fact that many black folk have reclaimed the n word as many trans women have begun to reclaim the t word.

I won’t get into the “trans male vs. trans female use of tranny” debate here. But there are a lot of opinions, by people I respect dearly. But I do strongly believe that only transfeminine / trans female people have a right to reclaim that word.

Finally, chicks with dicks / she-male / he-she is just plain transphobic. Don’t say it. And correct people who do!

Be an ally to trans folk. Educate yourselves, but more importantly, educate others. Everyone makes mistakes, and these are really hot-button mistakes that so many people do. It’s so important that we develop better allyship and respect trans people.

_____________________

1. The belief that transsexual genders are less legitimate than, and mere imitations of, cissexual genders.
2. Cisgender, meaning “same gender,” is the opposite of transgender. It means that you agree with the assigned gender you were given at birth. Cissexual means “same sex,” and is opposite of transsexual.
3. Effeminization means the process of feminizing someone. Writer Julia Serano writes about “effemimania,” or the obsession of all things feminine, in U.S. culture in her book Whipping Girl. I highly recommend this book for further reading on trans women and transfeminism.

You all should read this article.